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The Importance of Loving Yourself First (Part 1)

What's so important about loving yourself?


You've probably heard that you have to love yourself before others will love you.


If you're like my client today, you might wonder why. I'm glad she asked!


We're all energy. Energy vibrates across a spectrum of frequencies. Like energy resonates with like energy.


If you're not valuing yourself, if you're constantly beating yourself up, if you're consistently down on yourself, that energy radiates into the world.


The energy that comes back to you is of a similar kind. You may find yourself attracting others who don't value you (the REAL you).


Maybe they don't appreciate you for who you are, or they focus on your "faults" instead of the brilliance and light you shine in the world. Maybe you just don't feel seen by them.


How clearly are you seeing YOURSELF?


This is not blaming the victim, by the way. This tendency is usually unconscious and very normal in our society. (Let's change that together!)


Most of us have been conditioned our whole lives to see "value" as how much money we make, how we look, or how much stuff we have.


If you're falling short of what you've been taught is valuable, and if that's being reinforced by others (intentionally or unintentionally), it's understandable that you start to believe you really are "less than."


Here's the deal.


You're alive in the world today. Therefore, you are valuable. Period.


If you want to be the most special and beautiful person in the world to someone, I've got someone in mind. Be the most special and beautiful person in the world to YOU.


When you are your biggest fan, the people who love and value the real you can't help but be drawn to you.


They'll respond to the energy of you loving and valuing your true self.


Here's the counterintuitive piece of that. When we say that the energy of you loving and valuing yourself will attract others who love and value you, that doesn't necessarily mean all those people will be NEW.


It doesn't mean you're automatically "done" with the people who are currently in your life. (You could be, and that's ok. We outgrow some friendships and relationships as we become more of who we truly are, while others evolve and grow with us. Have faith that you'll know the difference as you learn to trust yourself more.)


What’s really happening is that the energy of you loving and valuing yourself influences the energy of everyone around you.


When we have challenges in our relationships (in our work, in our homes, in our communities, etc.), we assume that nothing will change unless both or all parties are interested in changing it.


In reality, it only takes one person to change the energy in a relationship.


If that feels liberating, awesome! You don't need anyone else's approval. Go for it.


If that feels stressful, frustrating, or even infuriating, that’s ok too. You may be thinking, “Why do I have to do all the work?!” “Why do I have to take responsibility for changing everyone else?!”


All that pressure you just put on yourself, take it right back off.


This is not about changing others. We’ve all tilted at that windmill, to no avail. (Please tell me I’m not the only one.)


This is about shifting your own energy. Taking responsibility for your own self.



That shift creates ripples of change around you. It might take time. You might not notice at first. But it’s happening.


Everyone around you is doing the work too, even if you can’t see it.


It only takes one.


Will you be the one?


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